The Gift of Change
Words escape me. I’m “back” from a definitive journey of remembering and discovering myself. But there is hardly anything familiar in my current surroundings, and I realize I am not back. I am very forward. And truly, I am only forward in direction, as I am also not in the future. I am here, and here is in-between.
There is nowhere to go, nothing to do, and very little to be known. I feel like the Agua de miel I brought back from Mexico as a gift to the man of my heart—a thick, sweet, dense, sticky, and healing sap straight from the Maguey plant, cooked over a fire, and now held in a bottle in the refrigerator to keep fresh. It is even more viscous now with the cool temperature, and recently, I feel suspended inside my process, unable to make a move, as if preserved inside this agave honey, curing for a moment that has yet to arrive.
On this note, and as an FYI, there is much I do not share in this journal. Even though I am a very descriptive person about certain areas of my life, I am also a very private one. However, now I am spilling over, and throughout the course of the last year, I have been going through immense changes in my life. And one of the biggest and most beautiful is that my heart has expanded across the country, reaching toward a powerful human who has captivated my soul.
Tracing My Roots
For the last 2.5 years, I’ve been building a life in NYC. I was called to New York for a reason I am still understanding. Partially to pull up my bootstraps and reveal to myself that I could do it, that I could arrive in such a forge of a city with next to nothing and create something of myself. That I could both take care of my basic needs and co-create dreams with hyper-talented individuals and brilliant minds to learn from.
I know that my time in NYC is far from over, and yet, the energy shifts when your heart is beating three thousand miles away from you daily. I’m aware of subtle yet profound changes in my thoughts and motivations, and my emotional body has sometimes overwhelmed me in this process. A metamorphosis of Being is revealed through new whispers of air (mind), trembles from deep in the earth (body), ripples and waves of the water (emotions), and fire—awakened (spirit).
According to Empedocles, these four [of what we call] elements are the “roots” of all that is created and structured in the world. He teaches that they in themselves are unchanging, only that in combination with one another, they either become or dissolve into something else entirely. By mixing and separating these roots in various ways, it is a perception that something new has begun. Perception in that he states that no mortal thing has a beginning or a death. Goodness, my heart sings of immortal alchemy reading his poetic philosophy…
I was only recently introduced to this Greek Sorcerer, Poet, Philosopher, Healer (and the list goes on) by said man of my heart, and I’m super keen on spending more time contemplating Empedocles’ cosmic vision and articulation on the “nature” of things. To study him is to discover a man in touch with the rivers of wisdom and direct experience of the multidimensionality of worlds, from the realms of Gods to the realms of daemons and everything in between and beyond.
The Empedocles Rabbit Hole…
The introduction to the teachings of Empedocles enraptures me, obviously. How could I have gone this long merely hearing his name and mind-mapping him into a longer list of Greek philosophers without giving him more attention, more presence from my inner poet, artist, and magician? As I dive deeper with a relentless enthusiasm that is increasingly taunting my every moment with delight, I realize I’ve been learning from Empedocles all along. So much of what has inspired me throughout life in the realms of thought, philosophy, and inner work can be traced back through time to his poetic words of truth and profundity. Especially noted are the thoughts that bubble up from within me but belong to no one, and discovering the parallels in his words from the 5th century BC is affirming and soul-soothing, to say the least.
I love this basic encyclopedic description of Empedocles’ philosophy:
Empedocles’ worldview is of a cosmic cycle of eternal change, growth, and decay, in which two personified cosmic forces, Love and Strife, engage in an eternal battle for supremacy.
I lean in; who was this man really? His biography of talents is an endless glimpse into a life transcending authority. There is as much praise as there is suspicion and conspiracy woven into the legacy and myths of his life and livelihood, spanning from the healer to politician, mystic poet to philosopher. Aristotle refers to him as the originator of rhetoric, and while the genesis of much philosophical thought can be traced back to his Herculean mind, others refer to him as a charlatan of immense eccentricities, including the legend of throwing himself into the volcano Etna to prove he could return immortalized. I have to wonder…did he? ; )
When the Student Is Ready
Am I digressing? I don’t think so, but as you can see, my mind is still on a journey of discovering and piecing together many threads that are coming into view as a tapestry of epic proportions while I continue to integrate my recent journey to Mexico. This weaving, so lucid and colorful on the inner planes, is a map of my destiny, a new life forming amid this formless moment. I am patient, I am curious, I am enthusiastic in a gentle way. There is nothing easy about not knowing what comes next, and then I find myself giggling at the consistent moment-to-moment lived experience of that statement. When do we ever know what comes next?
As I share my new and deeply rooted respect for Empedocles ( a slight obsession, as you may perceive), I am present to various teachers entering my field simultaneously. This is one way transiting Jupiter (and my natal Jupiter) in Gemini is expressed in my life. All of these teachers share a particular flavor of depth, mystery, sorcery, and light. Now, take a look at the icon that depicts Gemini ♊️. One meaning of these two pillars is duality: day/night, light/dark, positive/negative, male/female. Gemini also represents both the student and the teacher, referring us back to the formative years of the beginner’s mind when there is suppleness and receptivity for learning with greater ease. Gemini is the magician—the multi-tasking, sleight-of-hand trickster with many a secret up his sleeve. As with all signs, Gemini imbues a full education from unskillful to skillful means to walk with, participate in, embody, and eventually transcend. Jupiter invites me to surf the spectrum from light to dark and back again in my inner world, and I now approach this with new eyes and a new heart of understanding.
I don’t know where this moment is taking me. However, I know I am at the beginning of something innate and known to the parts of myself that are more conscious than what I currently have access to. I am tapping a vein of purpose not yet revealed to me. It feels vulnerable to share this, as who knows what the future will bring, so thank you for your presence in this moment of self-discovery.
Astrological Preventative Measures
Mercury is currently retrograding through our collective consciousness, and on August 13th, Mars and Jupiter conjunct in Gemini. This brings a lot of energy, power, vitality, and momentum into this realm of your birth chart. Additionally, from this day until the 20th of August, a T-square is formed in the heavens with the Mars/Jupiter conjunction in Gemini at the tip of the arrow, squaring Saturn in Pisces on one side and Venus in Virgo on the other. Saturn squaring the power duo of Mars and Jupiter while opposing Venus during a Mercury retrograde in the current signs they inhabit could lend itself to a sobering review of the motivations and agendas that may be lurking inside your relationships and financial health. It is a time to reflect, uncover, reveal, and heal anything that may impede your personal progress in these areas. Obstacles there will be, and discernment mixed with patience and self-honesty are the keys to overcoming them.
A full moon in Aquarius is on the horizon on the 19th, and I recommend walking toward it with due diligence, praying for ease and grace, and softening your grip around anything you are attempting to control. Relax and see if you can go with the flow at this time. It may even be more of a rollercoaster ride type of moon, and it is best to let your muscles loosen now as a preventative measure rather than resist the incoming changes from a rigid state of mind.
Journaling Away
For those of you who are somewhat new to these journals, I want to share that I’ve been writing them weekly for six years now without skipping a beat. This is my ritual, my process, my canvas, and my laboratory. Discoveries within and without are shared and juxtaposed with contemplations on astrology, psychology, spirituality, and why I do, say, think, feel, and act the way I do.
I write about my experience and my perspective. This is my journal, after all, and yet I share with the hope that some of my questions of self-inquiry may provoke inquiry in you. Self-inquiry is a beast of a practice that I adore with utter devotion. What you receive here is a topical and accessible semblance of my moment. I have yet to take you into the more intimate layers of my Being as I continue to discern and know them myself first. I am learning, as a writer of self-inquiry, what is useful to share, and I lean conservative in this regard, as well as private, as I mentioned above.
I do have Sun, Venus, and Mercury in Capricorn and reserve the cosmic right to take time, move ahead with caution, and deeply explore the mystic terrain from the perilous mountain peaks to the depths of the ocean as any Sea-goat would agree. Without answers, only observations, I leave you with the words of Empedocles.
God is a circle whose center is everywhere, and its circumference nowhere. No mortal thing has a beginning, nor does it end in death and obliteration; there is only a mixing and then separating of what was mixed, but by mortal men these processes are named "beginnings.
Here’s to the perceived beginnings and endings as together we surf the perpetual tides of big L Life.
All my best to you, and please receive the piece of my heart that lives inside these words,
Ciela
Thank you for visiting my inner world. If you want to learn more about my work in the outer world, enjoy cielawynter.com and listen to Season 1 of my podcast here.
Ps! I am offering an inner zodiac mentorship (now slated for early 2025) for those of you curious, called, and, of course, sense that it is written in your stars.
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We cannot change the world until we accept we are the world. This is the new conversation.
Ciela! What a phenomenal writer you are! Writing is an obsession for me and it is so nourishing to read your words. I ate them in big, frothy bites. Reread them with delicacy and feel satiated and yet I want more and that feels greedy.
I have missed so many because I thought I didn’t have the time. I am so glad I took the time tonight.
And, excuuuuuusssseeeemeeeeeee. Who the hell took your heart and wound it around you!?!?!
I love you so and I miss everything about you.
With so much love,
Your Dinah